When describing the pivotal moment when a black boy of nine was asked where, in that the year of their Lord 1917, he would like to reside in these United States – North or South, Richard Wright has relatively little to say.
Earlier in his memoir, Mr. Wright describes a dirt road near where he lived in much appreciated detail:
“A wide dusty road ran past the house and on each side of the road wild flowers grew. It was summer and the smell of clay dust was everywhere, day and night. I would get up early every morning to wade with my bare feet through the dust of the road, reveling in the strange mixture of the cold dew-wet crust on top of the road and the warm, sun-baked dust beneath.”
We can see that road and, personally, I can smell the ant hills laid out next to it.
When describing his mindset while making what seems to be a choice against his own self interest, to not go to Detroit with his brother or to Chicago, the summation is this:
“My tension eased somewhat, but stayed with me. My brother was happy, he was going north. I wanted to go, but I said nothing.”
Earlier though, he describes being ashamed at having to accept gifts of food from his neighbors and makes an effort to compensate by not eating enough when he does. The attitude that we cannot be vulnerable by making our needs known comes from scarcity – the fear of not having enough. The young Richard fears there is not enough hope to go around. He might not believe the stories that things were different “up north.”
“Where was I to go? Who would take me? I became more anxious than ever. When an aunt or an uncle would come into my presence, I could not look at them. I was always reminding myself that I must not do anything that would make any of them feel they would not want me in their homes.”
He talks about an inability to allow himself to acknowledge what he wants and how badly he wants it. I understand that. This is just where I have ended my reading today due to the above moment in this book. There is really just nothing there when a young Richard tries to make sense of truly being on his own and in charge of his future. How does a child describe that responsibility? I think with sparse language and a paragraph break to hide the concentrated meaning of those three sentences.
Queer Pandemic 